Beating heart
by Charlie.Ambre
Summary: Clarke can't deal with Finn's death. She is seeing him everywhere. Will Bellamy be able to help her? This used to be a song-fic based on the song "Beating heart" by Ellie Goulding. It is no longer more now.


_Hey guys! So here's my new Bellarke fanfiction. Lately, I've been really inspired by these two... I hope that you'll like this one-shot. :) (Reviews are always appreciated!)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything: the characters, the universe... :)_

_Not a native English speaker._

* * *

><p>"Beating heart"<p>

A (used to be) Bellarke song-fic.

"_Thanks princess..."_

Clarke's hands started shaking. She clenched her fists. _"Stay strong!" _She thought as she was walking back to camp Jaha. But how was she supposed to do that? She just killed someone she loved. A good friend. A former lover. She had killed. She had killed Finn. And now she had to live with that.

When she reached camp, Raven's screams got worse. They were tearing Clarke's heart apart. She knew how much her friend cared for him. She loved him so much that she asked Clarke to kill Lexa, the grounders' commandant instead of just letting Finn die. And Clarke betrayed her. She didn't kill Lexa. She put her people first and sacrificed Finn. Now, she had to live with that.

"Why did you kill him?" She screamed. "You were supposed to save him!"

"He..." Clarke's voice shook. Her eyes filled up with tears. "He couldn't be saved." She said with a strong voice. She was a leader, she couldn't give in. "I did what I had to do to protect our people."

Raven cried more. Clarke's mother tried to comfort her but nothing that she could say or do help her. Bellamy, who was by Raven's side, stepped toward Clarke. He took the bloody dagger, the one she used to kill her friend, and threw it away.

"I did what I had to do to protect our people." Repeated Clarke. "We needed a truce. I got us a truce..." She started crying. Bellamy opened his arms and she burst in tears in his chest.

"I know. You did what had to be done. No one will blame you for that." His deep and calm voice somehow comforted Clarke.

"I am going to! She has killed him!"

"Raven, calm down." Said Octavia, who was crying too. Raven, who was still in Abby's arms, tried to get on her feet.

"You killed him. He loved you and you killed him!" She shouted. "You executed him."

Bellamy pulled Clarke away and turned around, his arms raised in a protective gesture.

"Raven, your words are going far beyond your thoughts." Kane and Abby grabbed and took her away. Her tears echoed in the whole camp. Clarke's legs suddenly became like jelly. Bellamy caught her before she reached the floor.

"Are you okay?" Stupid question. Of course she wasn't. And he knew it. He lifted her and carried her to the med station. There, he brought a bowl of water and knelt in front of her. He helped her cleaning her hands from Finn's blood. So bad he couldn't do the same thing with her conscience.

As he was doing it, she stared at him. His messy black hair. His muddy face, still covered of old marks of wounds. He was her partner. Her co-leader. And now that Finn was gone, she'd have to rely on him more than before.

"A penny for your thoughts." He eventually said. Her hands were all cleaned now but he was still holding them.

"I killed him. And he thanked me."

"You saved him Clarke." He sighed. "The grounders would have tortured him all night long. We would have heard him screaming. Suffering." He looked disgusted. "You saved him."

"Too bad Raven doesn't share your point of view."

"She does." He assured. "Give her some time, okay?" Clarke nodded. She stared at their joined hands. He noticed her stare and let go of her hands.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." He got on his feet. "You should rest." He said. He put a hand on her shoulder. Then, he forced her to lie down.

"Bellamy..." She started. "We have to save the others. If we lose them too, I..."

"I know." He interrupted her. "I feel the same way. Listen Clarke, I'll bring them back to camp, I promise."

"_We'_ll bring them back." He raised an eyebrow, surprised. "I can't lose you too." She confessed, with a lower voice. He slowly nodded. He walked toward the door. "Bellamy!" She called. He stopped himself in front of the door, his back turned on her. "What do I do if I have nightmares?"

"Look for me." He answered. His low voice comforted her. Maybe more than his words.

Less than a month later, grounders and sky people found a way to set free the 47 teenagers held by the Mount Weather's men. Clarke was in the med station, helping her mother who was dealing with all the injured people. Thanks to the grounders, they knew more about plants and herbs now.

"Come on Jasper!" Clarke said. "Let me look at your wound."

"I'm not sure that I can trust a doctor anymore."

"I'm not a doc." She replied. "I am your friend." She stared at him for a while. He looked like the shadow of the joyful teen he used to be. "What have they done to you?" She asked, worried.

"Let's just say that I don't want to be a lab rat anymore." She nodded.

"I swear you won't." She eventually promised. And she meant it. She dampened a piece of cloth. She was about to start cleaning the cut on his face when she saw him. Finn's ghost.

"Clarke?" Jasper shook her shoulder. Finn's ghost made a step toward her. She dropped the piece of cloth and ran out of the med station. She ran as fast as she could, as far as possible. Camp's doors were open. Without thinking twice, she ran out of camp. She had to put distance between herself and the ghost. It wasn't going to erase her guiltiness of course but running replaced the pain in her heart by a burning pain in her chest and lungs that she could handle.

She stopped running when her legs begged her to do so. She collapsed on the ground. She was breathing heavily. Her chest was rising way too fast. Her heart was overdriving.

"Clarke!" She heard someone calling her. Well, not _someone_. Bellamy.

"Here!" She eventually answered. The second after, he was by her side.

"What's going on?" She could feel his worry in his voice even though he was trying to hide with an angry tone.

"Nothing. I just wanted to race."

"Alone?" She nodded. She couldn't tell him that she was seeing Finn. He _wouldn't_ understand. He had been by her side since that night. Always there to ask her if she okay or if she needed anything. But she knew, deep in her heart, that if she told him about Finn, he wouldn't understand.

"Look at you. Your heart is beating loud enough to wake up the dead." He held out a hand for her. She took it. "Let's go back to camp." He added. "And don't race like that ever again. When I saw you, I thought that something happened." She wanted to tell him that he was right. That something happened. That she was seeing the ghost of her dead friend. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell anyone.

They walked back to camp. He let go of her hand but stayed close enough to her to let his shoulder brush hers from time to time. The sun was falling down behind the horizon. The sky was all red and orange. The forest was quiet. Now that they were at peace with the grounders, they had nothing to fear but animals. So, everything was quiet and Clarke fully appreciated this moment. They were both breathing in unison. Walking at the same pace. The panick attack caused by Finn's vision backed up.

"Clarke!" Bellamy started. They had almost reached the doors.

"Yes?"

"If something was wrong, you'd tell me right?" She managed to crack a small smile.

"Of course I would. I know I can count on you." He stared at her for a while and she could say that he was pondering on what she had told him. Trying to guess whether she told him the truth or not.

"That is not negociable." Kane said. "You two are teenagers. Not council members." Bellamy and Clarke were facing the council. Together, side by side. They wanted to be in charge or at least to have a word to say in the decisions made by their leaders.

"We are not teenagers anymore!" Clarke replied, higher than what she wanted. She was disturbed by Finn's silhouette, standing behind her mom. And now the council members were not making things easy for her. Bellamy gently brushed his hand.

"Calm down." He whispered.

"I am perfectly calm." She shook her head. When she opened her eyes again, Finn was gone. "I'm just trying to make a point. We've been in charge of the 100. They trust us. We don't want to be chancellor or anything... We just want a seat."

"Two seats!" Bellamy told.

"No. One seat. We'll share it. We're partners, remember?" He smiled and something knotted her heart.

"One seat. I find that we're not asking for that much."

"But what makes you think that the two of you can share a seat? One day, you will disagree with the other and then...What will happen?" Asked Abby. Clarke opened her mouth to answer but Bellamy was faster than her.

"With all due respect m'mam, Clarke and I have built a strong partnership when you sent us to die on Earth. We are now able..." He hesitated. He was looking for the right word. "To compromise." Clarke smiled in the inside. They were a team. The way he got her back in front of the council reminded her of that.

"If you say so... We should proceed to the vote..."

_Ten minutes later..._

"Yeah! Another victory for Blake and Griffin. We're the best! Give me a high five!"

"I'd rather give you a hug.

"What's happening to my favourite princess?" Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Shut up and come here." Bellamy smiled and leaned towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, he wrapped his around her waist. She took a deep breath. He smelt like earth and wet grass. She loved that scent. He rested his chin on her shoulder and for a second she thought that time was suspended. After a while, he pulled her away.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"I-I'm not." She answered. He frowned.

"Kay... G'night princess!" He walked away. Claked stayed a little while longer. Her thoughts were a mess. That was impossible. She couldn't be falling for... Bellamy Blake. That was impossible. They were good friends, end of the story.

"Clarke, are you okay?" Octavia asked. "You look like someone who has seen a ghost."

"Well, I haven't. Because ghosts do not exist, right?" Clarke answered while ignoring Finn's silhouette which came back when Bellamy had walked away.

"So... How did the meeting with the council go?"

"Good, we got a seat." Octavia smiled brightly.

"That's good. I just hope that my brother won't screw anything."

"He won't, I promise."

"Don't make promises you know in your heart you can't keep."

"C'me on O. We both know I can handle your brother." She chuckled.

"Yeah of course you can. Anyway, I should go. Lincoln wants to show me something."

"Oh!" Clarke's eyes sparkled. "What is it?" She asked curiously.

"I don't know. It's a surprise." Octavia walked away and Clarke walked back in her tent. She collapsed on her bed and tried to forget her worries. Finn's death. The upcoming winter. Bellamy. She shut her eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning, she woke up early, before the sunrise. She went outside camp. Her mother wrote her a list of herbs and plants to get. As she was walking, Clarke enjoyed being alone. It didn't happen that much. She had a good night. She slept well and had no nightmares. And something told her it was thanks to someone's warm arms and muscles torso.

She headed to the river. She had to get seaweed. When she made it there, she took off her shoes and got in the water. Damn it it was cold! She got the seaweed as fast as possible. She didn't want to catch a cold. When she turned around, she saw him. Finn. She took a deep breath.

"You're not here." She whispered to reassure herself.

"Yes I am." Her whole body tensed. What the...?

"You can't be. You're dead." He was a hallucination. He was her guiltiness. He wasn't real. (Then, it meant that she was talking to herself but she could handle that more than a real ghost).

"Yes I am dead. You killed me." He took a step toward her. She stepped back. "Why did you kill me Clarke? I loved you. I trusted you."

"I-I... I had no choice."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He stepped toward her and she walked back. She slipped on a rock and fell in the water. She got on her feet quickly though. Finn's ghost was still moving forward.

"Finn... Please!" She begged.

"I'm sorry princess!"

"Leave me alone!" She yelled. She slipped a second time. But this time, her head hit a rock. She lost conscience for a short while. But there was one problem: her head was underwater.

"Come on Clarke!" She heard. "Please, don't die..." Clarke coughed and spit water. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Octavia sighed, relieved.

"What... What happened?" Clarke asked.

"We found you in the river." Lincoln said. "We were heading back to camp Jaha and... You're lucky we found you."

"How come you fell in the river?" Added Octavia.

"I-I slipped. It was an accident." Clarke lied. She did her best to sound as convincing as possible. She looked around her. Finn was gone.

"Can you stand?" Lincoln asked. Clarke tried to but failed. He lifted her in his arms.

"Octavia, the seaweed!" Clarke gestured toward the river. Her friend took the red seaweed and they went back to camp. When they got there, Clarke felt like an icewoman. She was really cold despite Lincoln's warm arms. Bellamy, who just woke up, noticed them. He rushed toward them.

"What happened? He asked. He put a hand on Clarke's forehead. "Are you okay?"

"I am." She answered.

"She has a cut on the back of her head." Precised Octavia. "Her mother should look at it."

"No, I'm fine." Octavia rolled her eyes.

"Come on Clarke. You can't even stand on your two feet."

"I can now." Lincoln put her on her feet. She stood for like 2 seconds before staggering.

"Got ya!" Bellamy said. "I'm gonna take her to the med station." Octavia and Lincoln nodded. Bellamy started walking. Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck and let her head rest against his chest. When they arrived, he carefully put her on a bed. Clarke's mom wasn't here.

"I'm gonna look for her." Bellamy decided.

"No!" Clarke grabbed his arm. "Stay. There is something I need to tell you."

"What?" She tapped the bed. "Come here." He sat. He put strands of her hair behind her ears. His hands were as warm as Clarke's skin was cold.

"It was the last time I let you get out of camp Jaha alone." He ended saying because Clarke was keeping her mouth shut.

"Don't be an overprotective mom please! I already have one."

"But you got hurt today."

"It was an accident. I slipped..."

"Clarke, I know you. You're a strong girl. You don't slip." He knew her way too much.

"You're right." She sighed. "I slipped because I saw Finn. Actually, I'm seeing it everyday and if I haven't told you before it's because I was afraid that you would not understand." He stared wide-eyed.

"Clarke." He took his hand. "If I remember well, I told you to look for me if you had nightmares. I asked you if you would tell me if something was wrong." He sounded a bit angry. She nodded, her cheeks suddenly as red as tomatoes. "You said yes!"

"I know. I lied. I'm sorry, it's just that- I thought that I could go through this alone. But- the truth is: I can't. I need you." He closed his eye. She sat down, to be closer to his face.

"God..." He eventually sighed. "Clarke... Why are you making things so complicated?" He whispered for himself.

"You said "_I need you_" not "_I need your help_"? Clarke didn't understand what was wrong. She grabbed his chin with one hand and made him look at her.

"I said "_I need you_" because it is the truth. I need you. You keep calling me princess. Right now the princess could use a knight wearing a shining armor." He chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I only wear dark clothes." She chuckled. "So... You said that you were seeing Finn? Let me look at the cut on your head. It may be deeper than expected!"

"Bellamy!" She shouted. She gently punched his shoulder. He stopped chuckling and started laughing. She cracked a smile.

"There it is." He said. "Your smile." They were really close to each other. Clarke could see his freckles pretty clearly. She was drowning in his dark eyes. It occurred to her that she'd love to run her fingers in his messy black hair. He lowered his head and broke their eye-contact.

"About Finn... He won't go away unless you forgive yourself. Get rid of your guiltiness and live your life without thinking about the past. I know it's hard but you're strong. You can do it."

"How not to think back to the past?"

"Focus on the future." Their eyes met again.

"The future?" She repeated.

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Just so you know, I'm about to..." She didn't let him end his sentence. She pressed her lips against his. He kissed her back immediately. She ran a hand in his hair. One of his hand went down to her waist. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up and she imagined his heart beating faster too.


End file.
